I'm one of those people (hell, maybe I'm the only one) who has to figure something out from all angles, and then see it all at once. Until all tangents of thought are explored, the picture is incomplete for me.
But once it is complete, it's like an image of life in three dimensions... it's not just a bunch of thoughts anymore but has taken on a life of it's own.
For the last 2 nights, I've been struggling, even "fighting" in my dreams -- and the places were always far below the ground. It's as if everything I've been reaching out for... every source of help, every new thought, every new philosophy I've been reseaching and taken from was making pathways throughout my psyche. They have all connected and interwoven in strange ways that I guess I needed them to do. I didn't do it. I haven't the wisdom or the knowledge to do so.
One dream stands out -- one is very clear. I was in a room with all kinds of people. But they were like shadows. I was off to myself somewhere in the back of the room. All I know is that the room was far below ground. There was a tiger, a beautiful tiger. It was almost glowing. A soft, golden light was playing like a gentle aura all around this animal. There was a thick chain on it's neck, attached to an iron collar. It was sitting, and it had a sad look in it's eyes. Everyone thought it was dangerous, and so it was kept chained.
For some reason, I had a desire to go get to know this great cat. I wanted to walk over to it, even pet it. But I was afraid. It was chained for a reason, I thought. It had to be good reason.
Then there was this dirty, ragged looking cat that was literally ramming me. I would grab it, and toss it far away from me, but it would keep coming back. It wouldn't let me keep my attention on the tiger. It wouldn't let me ponder about the cat, and I couldn't keep my mind on why I wanted to get to know it. I couldn't explore why I wanted to pet it, or why it had a heavy collar and why it was chained.
I am the cat with the dirty face and the rough, ragged fur. I'm made up of what I thought I deserved, and eventually received. And it is keeping me from being who I really want to be and want to do. This image is the personification of my lack of belief in myself up to this point in my life.
I'm also the noble tiger who is chained. I am BOTH. But I only know ONE right now. I'm fighting for my life to be that tiger... and I will release him!
But I think I discovered the key. I think I know how to become what I want to become. It's PASSION. I have to find it at any cost. No cost is too great for me at this point in my life.
We are conditioned to want what society tells us we should want. I still get a magazine, "Maxim" every month. I hardly read it, or look at it anymore. It's always the same anyway... scantily clad women in seductive poses, and lots of ads for cologne, clothes, watches, cars. There's a message from society there: get these things, and you can have what's in the pictures: a hot looking, beautiful trophy with no soul. A trophy. Trophies have no soul. It's just a page on a magazine. It's not real, or real life. Or rather a fulfilling life.
God created man to be the hero. Take a group of boys, and you see through their play, that they each want to be the hero. They will even take turns, but everyone of them wants their turn to play the hero.
Take a group of girls. Through their play, you can see that they each want to be the princess. I've watched it with my daughter. It's like a divine imprint. Man was created to be the hero, and a woman, the princess. It's intriguing for me to hear a woman talk about her wedding, "one day". Just one way she gets to be the princess she deserves to be on her special day. I always wondered why my sister wore a tiara :P
A "princess" is not a "damsel in distress". Women do not need, nor really want to be rescued. If they do, it's called codependence and it's not healthy for either the "rescued", nor the "rescuer".
We are hard wired in many ways that you just can't force men and women to be "unisex". The whole notion of a unisex society has miserably failed. FAILED.
One of the stupidest notions ever introduced on this planet was that "equal" means "the same". Men and women are uniquely and wonderfully made different in both mind and body, yet equal. Their differences are their strengths, and they compliment each other. I am glad that this is so.
I find a lot of comfort in knowing that a strong backlash is brewing. A woman who embraces her femininity finds an strong inner confidence -- one that was previously shattered by society's belief that one woman can be everything at once and succeed. An emasculated man who takes back what was slowly and forcibly taken from him by shaming tactics finds his own direction for his life where he should have -- in his own powerful and wild heart.
Let me be clear to the men out there: Find your passion, follow it, never letting your eyes leave it, and you'll find that often your princess will follow. She is drawn to something that's in you. You and your passion must be inseparable.
Your focus must be on whatever is the passion of your life. If your focus is on getting a woman, you will gain neither passion, or the woman. If you keep your eyes on your passion, the rest will follow.
You cannot be the hero you want and deserve to be if you lack the hero's passion. It is what defines the hero. It's the ONLY thing that makes it possible to go from playing the hero as a boy, to becoming one as a man. Nobody teaches this. It's almost like nobody wants you to know.
You can only find this passion when you look at things lit from the burning light of your own heart. Not what others tell you, is it? You are conditioned to use THEIR light. THEIR perspective. Frankly, you're conditioned to lose, if you listen to or care what society thinks.
The last time I looked, there will be only one person in my coffin.
It is MY life.
It's hard to start living from your heart. It's hard to walk from that new perspective. It's as if everything you see, everything you've ever known looks different because it is lit by a different light. Things look QUITE different. What looked good before looks repulsive, and what looked unpleasant before shines with a new beauty I couldn't see before in a different light.
I find I often stumble.
But at least it feels right, for once. I know that as I walk, my life's passion will manifest... I just have to remember to only step forward when I see the way lit by my OWN heart.
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